Suicide Sucks

I once again find myself putting pen to paper not knowing what I'm about to write but feeling the need to write something.

While on vacation I learned of a co-worker's death. It rocked me. Not because we were close, I haven't seen him in maybe three years. But because of the cause of death. He took his own life. Suicide has again shown up knocking at my door screaming "DON'T YOU FUCKING FORGET ABOUT ME!"

It's been 5 AND 1/2 years since my world was TRULY rocked when my girlfriend shot herself in the mouth just a foot away from me. It was a gruesome and horrific way to lose someone you love. Ironically I remember my deceased co-worker giving me his number during this awful time and telling me to call him if I needed someone to talk to and that maybe I could even come over to the house just to hang out. Now I regret not taking him up on that offer. He was a true gentleman and someone I think could have been a good friend. Could I have made a difference in his life? It seems arrogant to think that but who knows.  RIP M.C.

Suicide is a terrible way to lose someone. Its like throwing part grief and part guilt into a blender and mixing it up to create one fucked up emotional cocktail. Drink it down and get drunk with questions. Questions that are all just variations on the simple question of "why"?

Speaking of "why"? Why am I writing this? I don't know, but I guess I can try to give it some kind of purpose:

1. It can serve as a reminder to pray for this officer and his family.
2. To pray for all others that made the choice that their lives were not worth fighting to live another day.
3. Pray for all those left behind searching for answers to questions that can never be answered.
4. Pray for strength to those that may be close to giving up.

AFSP (www.afsp.org) is an awesome organization. Please consider donating or volunteering. Or heaven forbid if you need help, they are first and foremost in existence to fight suicide, contact them.

I think it was Phil Donahue who said suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Well my life totally sucked 5 and 1/2 years ago, truth be told my life has kinda sucked for a majority of it. But as my favorite Bible passage (and Triumph song) says "I have fought the good fight" and I have arrived at a place in life where things are pretty darn good. With hopes that the future will be even better. So I'm truly glad I hung in there!

Any questions, comments, or if you need someone to talk to feel free - Jim (708)945.1283