Sunday, November 21, 2010

Ditching the Darkness

So its 01:20am and here I sit in the county jail. The animals are burning god knows what, cooking god knows what. It smells like what I imagine the ghettos in Slumdog Millionaire smell like.

I hate this place. It’s late. I wish I was home next to my beautiful wife in our nice warm bed. I just buried my father. I’m super worried about my mother. I’m a depressive personality. I should be depressed.

Well I just took a deep breath of this obnoxious, recycled, burnt rubber / plastic smelling air and thought… I love life. I’m healthy. I’m happy. I’m hopeful. I may be failing at inspiring others but I’m inspired. I’ve decided to take a “stand beside me, behind me or get the hell out of my way” attitude. I’m tired of allowing my environment to dictate how I feel. I’m tired of mediocrity. I’m smart. I’m caring, and deserving. There is no reason why I cannot find success! If this sounds like you - talk to me. Maybe I can help. If not and you just think I’m full of s#!t that’s fine too. But you’ll never truly know until you learn for yourself.

If I have wronged you in the past – I’m sorry. If my actions of the past have caused you to think less of me, well there is really nothing I can do about that. It took a gruesome, world changing bullet to the brain event – but I’ve been delivered. While I still have the clown nose and big shoes, I don’t always wear them. All I want is for people to see me for who I am and not for whom I once was. For the past 5 years I have not been perfect but I have grown and I plan to continue to improve.

So to steal from Dr. King – Throughout it all I’ve had a dream. The flame may have flickered but it never died. Now I live to feed the fire. I pray that if you ever had a dream that you keep searching. I also hope that you search with YOUR eyes, YOUR ears, and YOUR heart. Yours are the only senses that you can truly trust.

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