The Town I Live In

Ok, so this isn't the town I live in currently - but it's a killer picture!

Dream House

I guess this'll do.

But for a realistic dream home here's what I'd want:
*    Warm climate with lots of sun
*    A kick A$$ media room
*    Nice backyard with inground pool and a hot tub

When we retire:
*    Same as above on a beach... Ahhhhh, heavy sigh.

Something or Someone I Miss

(Un)Happy Anniversary!

So, on the 5^th Anniversary of Monica’s suicide it seems like a no brainer that I would write about her.  However, nothing with me is ever simple so here is the curve ball.  I don’t miss her.

Am I a monster for feeling this way?  For putting it out there in the Ethernet for the entire world to ignore?  I hope not.  I do still mourn her.  I still feel sadness about not only her death at such a young age.  But also for the pain she endured throughout her life.

Before I met Monica and for the brief time we were together I made some poor life decisions.  As a couple we were a disaster.  I was a mess, she was a mess.  If anyone was going to save her from her path of self destruction it sure wasn’t me.  I still feel guilt over that but the guilt has abated quite a bit.  I can’t say I wish I had never met her because she changed my life.  I couldn’t save her but I guess you can say she helped save me.

Maybe I should have changed this post to someone I’m grateful for.  I can’t change the fact that Monica came into my life.  But I can be grateful for it.  I’m grateful that she decided not to take me with her before turning that gun on herself.  I’m grateful for the path that I am now on.  It took a violent shove but at least now I know I’m headed in the right direction.

Lunch Bag

Nothing more fascinating than looking in someones lunch bag.

A double decker salami and cheese sammich.  Little container of pasta salad.  A sandwich baggie of pot, I mean walnuts (omega 3 right?).

Lucky you, my lunch bag doubles as a work boredom survival kit containing: books (Battlefield of the Mind, Mind over Mood - the self help journey goes on, a little pocket Bible), Cyclefocus magazine, gloves so as not to touch nasty stuff of even nastier people, Myclyns a cleansing spray in case I get shit or piss thrown on me, joy.

Oh brother I'm boring myself - that's enough for now...

Something I Look Forward To

I look forward to being released from jail – PERMANENTLY!

As a county sheriff’s deputy, correctional officer, jail guard, screw, turnkey whatever you want to call me I am incarcerated 40 hours per week.  If you think about it that way, everyone who is employed is in jail for 40, 50, 60 hours per week.  By definition to be incarcerated is to lose one’s freedom, to lose one’s ability to do as one pleases.  I don’t think your boss would appreciate you sitting in the break room in your underwear watching the new Oprah Network for 5 hours, but wouldn’t it be nice to stay at home and do just that anytime you wanted?

In less than 1 minute I came up with 10 individuals that are in positions where they either:

1.       Hate what they do but stay there because they are comfortable in their misery

2.       Are slaves to their jobs because they are paid just enough to keep them in captivity

3.       Are in constant fear of layoffs

4.       Doubt themselves or their abilities so they stay in their current job when they can achieve so much more

5.       Have given up on the dream of having a life beyond mediocrity

I myself have suffered from 4 of the preceding 5 issues.  I think someone can overcome all 5 but that 5^th one is a killer.

I used to think somehow, someway I would find something that would make me successful so I always kept an open mind (I’ll even admit to falling for one or two of those work from home scams).  After a lot of years of being beat down by life and really a hell of a lot of poor life management I became content making an OK wage and being miserable in my job.  This went on until my wife Susy said she was presented with an opportunity.  Because I love her I supported her and faked optimism.  Well fake it til you make it baby, hope is once again alive!

We are business owners.  I don’t care what your brother says, what BadaBing@Yahoo answers says (knuckleheads know how to use the Internet now - just so you know).  We’ve been part of this awesome company for over a year now and we’ve seen the power it has and the good it can do for people.

So, can you be successful at this business?  Can we?  Well I think to be successful at this business or any business - it all boils down to 4 things:

1.       Belief in the system

2.       Belief in oneself

3.       Hard work

4.       Persistence

EMPLOYEE E YOU HAVE A JOB	BUSINESS OWNER B YOU OWN A SYSTEM AND PEOPLE WORK FOR YOU
S YOU OWN A JOB SELF EMPLOYED	I MONEY WORKS FOR YOU INVESTOR

Ask yourself, where am I on the above chart.  Then ask yourself, where do I want to be.  If you answered on the right, maybe I can help.  If you are a sharp individual open to exploring new things feel free to contact me through this blog to see if the opportunity might be right for you.

(I’ve used this before but I like it) So to steal from Dr. King – Throughout it all I’ve had a dream. The flame may have flickered but it never died. Now I live to feed the fire. I pray that if you ever had a dream that you keep searching for it. I also hope that you search with YOUR eyes, YOUR ears, and YOUR heart. Yours are the only senses that you can truly trust.

Regrets?

I’ve been contemplating this subject for some time now.  What do I regret in life?

This is an extremely difficult subject to tackle.  I have made oodles and oodles of mistakes in my life.  I have made many decisions that have hurt me, friends and family.  So you would think I would have an entire Oprah Winfrey sized closet full of skeletons to choose from.

However, I have become a believer in everything happens for a reason.  So while I am sorry for past mistakes I’ve made.  I am where I am, and who I am because of the decisions I have made in life, both good and bad.

I think we are who we are not entirely by what happens to us throughout our lives but (maybe even more so) by how we react to life’s trials, tribulations and tragedies.

If you know me, you know I’m more apt to make a self deprecating comment about myself than to toot my own horn.  But, I’m about to toot…

It has been nearly 5 years since the worst day in my life.  A day that made me question whether or not I could continue on.  Well I found inner strength I never knew I had and I fought the good fight.  I can’t say every decision I made was a good one, but I made enough good ones to make it through that period of darkness in my life.

So if anyone is reading this that is in a dark place right now I can’t guarantee that in 5 years everything will be ok.  I will tell you that you need to be strong.  Fight the good fight.  Try to make good decisions, at least give yourself a chance!

Who am I today?  Well I’m far from the person I want to be but at least I’m headed in the right direction.

Where’d I put my Walkman I mean IPOD…

Ok, so honestly I don’t have an IPOD I have a Sony MP3 player and yes it is a walkman.  Hopefully Members Only jackets will come back and I can stroll along the street in my ReeBok high tops beboppin to some Wham with my Flock of Seagulls hairdo.  I’d be so retro cool.

I’m making an audible on this blog.  These are not 10 random songs from my IPOD, how could they be I don’t own one.  Instead these are some songs that have a lot of meaning to me, along with a brief description of why that is so.

I remember pestering my brother and sister to play Boston and America when I was a kid, too young to play records myself.  These are two of my favs from them:

1.       America – Sister Golden Hair

2.       Boston – Rock and Roll Band

Two of my favorite bands from High School were The Outfield and Scandal.  They were just really fun groups and remind me of the joy of H.S.

3.       Scandal – The Warrior

4.       The Outfield – Your Love

This song reminds me of the awesome group of guys from my H.S. baseball team:

5.       Bruce Springsteen – Glory Days

Also what would H.S. be without sappy love songs or a song about heartache?  This song reminds me of a young heart too unwise to know the difference between love and obsession:

6.       Foreigner – Down on Love

These are some songs from H.S. that helped me get through the tough times of being an often depressed teenager:

7.       Triumph – Fight the Good Fight

8.       Never Surrender – The title of 3 different songs by Triumph, Bruce, and Cory Hart

A deceased love taught me that like this song says: it’s not always rainbows and butterflies its compromise that moves us along:

9.       Maroon 5 – She Will be Loved

This list would not be complete without a song from my favorite band of all time.  This song is not my favorite but it is an awesome song that is a true celebration of music and the joy that it can bring:

10.   Rush – Spirit of the Radio

How about a bonus song?

* Bonus                                Bob Marley – Three Little Birds

 I first heard this song with my wife appropriately enough.  She taught me: "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right.
Singin': "Don't worry about a thing,
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

I stole this (does admitting it make it ok?)

When Tired & Lonely

by Ven. Samu Sunim

When you’re tired and disappointed,

Write a poem.

If you can’t write a poem,

Be silent.

If your feelings are painful,

Go to the park.

Watch the vibrant eyes of squirrels

Listen to the chat of sparrows

And Stand in Line with the Homeless.

“There shall be no outcasts in the world!”

When you’re full of complaints,

Write a poem.

If you can’t write a poem,

Have a glass of cold water.

Go for a run

Watch your steps

Look up to the sky.

Complaints are but a taint,

They are uninvited guests.

When you’re angry and hateful,

Write a poem.

If you can’t write a poem,

Do 365 prostrations invoking compassion*

Lower your body-mind with each bow

and rise again as a true person.

Surrender yourself to the Buddha within

Empower yourself with love and compassion.

There shall be no scumbags in the world!

When you’re poor and miserable,

Write a poem.

If you can’t write a poem,

Remember you’re still among the living.

Be grateful!

Learn to be content with what is available.

Being poor hurts

It is a blessing in disguise if you don’t mind.

There shall be no poor and lost souls in the world!

When you lose hope and are in despair,

Write a poem.

If you can’t write a poem,

Watch your mind.

Plains and streams play together to entertain all beings.

Is this not good enough,

Is this not good enough?

Wake up early tomorrow

Go for the sunrise.

There shall be no helplessly abandoned in the world!

*If you don’t like to perform prostrations, then climb up a mountain.