Baseball, the Church and Beavis and Butthead

Last Thursday Sue and I attended a church outing to the White Sox game.  It was a good game but it was partially spoiled by three young men that somehow were planted in the center of our church's group of seats and specifically right behind our seats.  They were very loud and SUPER obnoxious.

Now as a former young, super obnoxious fan, I would not have paid these guys any attention had it been just me with a buddy.  But being there with my church group and my wife I was on edge.  I knew that if Beavis and the two Buttheads crossed the line it would be my responsibility as a peace officer to try to maintain the situation.  Luckily the little rascals got close but never crossed the line of being obnoxious fans to disturbing the peace.

I truly hate my job but for now it is my job, and with it comes a responsibility to the community.  For me it’s a struggle to know when to “announce my authority” (for lack of a better way to put that) in a situation and when to just let that situation play out.  There is really a fine line between flaunting your authority and shirking your duty.  I pray for my wisdom and my fellow officer’s wisdom in making these decisions.  I also pray for understanding from those that are not burdened with these decisions and therefore may have never considered the weight of these choices.

So I’m approaching my 7^th year anniversary at my job here at the county.  I’ve come to realize it is totally a job of contradictions.

There is only boredom and aggravation.  Fortunately I am easily amused so between reading, writing, and unauthorized computer usage I am quite good at battling boredom.  Aggravation on the other hand… not so much.

Fear is a bad thing. Like dogs and bees criminals can sense fear.  Do - not show fear or you will feed the fire.

Fear is a good thing.  Without fear there is bravado.  Bravado promotes carelessness, never a good thing.

Ode de le’ Sheethole

How can something so easy be so trying at the same time?

Work bordering on the mundane yet somehow stressful and tense

Fear is the enemy, but without it a different vulnerability shows

Without fear caution wanes and danger shows its teeth

An ugly mixture of security and insecurity pose like a runway model

Walking so gracefully but steps away from a twisted stumble

Fake confidence and pray that your act is believable

Hope that the aging man outside hides the child within

Don’t mistake my kindness for weakness we often say

Go ahead perceive my inaction for cowardice, I know better

I don’t fear you; I only fear making the wrong move

So my choice is to wait- react not overreact

Back me into a corner or in defense of a comrade

I’ll fight for what I believe in, I won’t back down

And should I fall, I’ll go down swinging

Fighting the good fight and keeping the faith

HELL

15 May 11 (Sunday night)

While at work tonight I thought I saw a reflection at the window of my jail tier.  When I turned to see who it was, there was no one there.  It seemed too quick for anyone to have gotten out of my field of vision.

This was quite creepy. I felt uneasy.  Jail – always a place where the negativity and bad vibes are so dense you can almost feel it on your skin.  To me this just seems like a place that should be haunted.

Really I’m pretty sure there is a simple explanation to what I saw (or thought I saw).  A trick of light fooling my tired, midnight shift retarded brain.  Maybe it WAS a co-worker and I didn’t turn as quickly as I thought I did.  Who knows?

But why isn’t this place crawling with ghosts if they do in fact exist?  I’ve been here for 7 years, working a majority of it on the midnight shift.  I have yet to experience a blood curdling story about a groaning shackled specter hovering in a darkened stairwell.  Or a pale spirit hanging from the upper deck’s rails “reliving” his last earthly act.

How about this for a wacky theory: maybe the type of souls that would choose to haunt the likes of County are quickly dispatched to hell.  They used up their allotted amount of tormenting others in this lifetime.  Ok all you rapists, murderers and thieves time to play Beelzebub Monopoly.  You have drawn the “GO DIRECTLY TO HELL” CARD.  Do not pass go do not collect $200, and no hiding in little Timmy’s closet.

I sought absolution a fraction of a second too late.

I expelled my last breath with contempt for that life, that world.

Little did I know what I thought was pain in life would be like a picnic compared to what was coming my way then.

The momentary darkness was obliterated, replaced by light.

Not a soft light filled with peace and joy, but a painful light of fire that burned first my eyeballs and then my brain.

I tried to scream but my mouth was melted shut.

He, It would not allow me to scream.  It wanted all the pain contained inside.

A scream was not a release It would afford me.

The pain was all consuming.

Every bit of me was engulfed in fire from the surface of my skin to the marrow of my bones.

This physical torment went on for what seemed an eternity.

Perhaps the Devil has limits or He just grew tired of my agony.

I was given a brief period of relief when the pain dulled from pure agonizing torture to a simple pain I would associate with having all your arms and legs cut off with a dull blade with no anesthesia.

What came next was a different kind of horror.

It was like living a dream, the worst nightmare imaginable.

I watched and sometimes participated as ungodly, gruesome acts were committed against everyone I ever loved.

If the physical torment he put me through felt like forever, this felt like forever and a day.

He, It has left me be for a second time.

Left me to wonder what is to come next, and the time after that, and the time after that…

30 Days + Good Behavior

Let’s finish this bee-yotch up!

So it’s taken just under 5 months to finish my 30 day blog challenge – but I finished it, and that my friends is something.

Reminds me of my favorite bible passage:

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race.  I have kept the faith. ~2 Timothy 4:7

Let’s do a combo, shall we?

·         What’s in your wallet?  Wow, I won’t even pretend to be interested in writing this, so I will spare you my dear Harvey the Rabbit – VETO!!!

·         Photo of somewhere I have been to:

This is the location of one of my favorite, if not THE favorite vacation I have had (It was definitely with my favorite traveling companion).  The Occidental Excaret in Mexico.

·         Favorite TV show:  I guess my favorite show right now is “Breaking Bad” on the AMC (I think) Network.  If you have not caught it a brief synopsis is it’s about a chemistry teacher that finds out he has cancer so he starts cooking crystal meth to make money to leave for his family.  Great show.

·         Something I never get tired of doing:  I truly love to do nothing.  I love to nothing on the beach.  I love to do nothing on the couch or bed watching TV.  I love doing nothing poolside.  I love doing nothing on a balcony overlooking something awe inspiring.  Kinda get where this is goin?

·         3 good things that have happened during the 30 blog challenge:

1)      I have started exercising again.  This is truly a must for both my physical and mental well being.

2)      I have set a date for me to quit my job – October 17, 2011.  I feel Sue and I have turned a corner in our business and I now TRULY believe that we can attain and that we deserve success.

3)      I’ve come to realize that everything happens for a reason.  County led to the worst thing to ever happen in my life, but if not for that horrible event the best thing that ever happened to me would never have come about.  My wife Susan who not only brings me joy in this life, but also gave me the belief that I can have everlasting joy and peace once my time on this world is up.

Peace.